Jealousy can be devastating to relationships and the well-being of the person who feels it.
While jealousy feels real, it is simply a program that can be changed using the right techniques.
Controlling jealousy is not only ineffective; it is also detrimental since it buries the emotions rather than solving the problem.
Jealousy, just like all other emotional states, is the result of subconscious programming – change the programming and the automatic reaction changes naturally.
There is no need to control it, it simply won’t be there.
What is Jealousy?
Although jealousy feels like it’s about specific situations and people outside of yourself; the truth is, it’s about the references you carry in your subconscious.
Jealousy is an automated stress response – a state of “fight or flight” that is caused not by factors outside of the person, but by the data that person’s subconscious is referring to that provides “evidence” that that particular response is essential to survival.
How is Jealousy Created?
The program that produces the feelings of jealousy can be created in a range of different ways – all based on subconscious records.
Because the subconscious has no ability to use logic or reason, the connections between the current experiences of jealousy and the original experiences that created the records that support that automatic response may make no sense to the conscious mind.
Peter was the youngest of four children.
Born into a stressful household where both parents worked full-time, money was very tight, and Peter received very little attention, he learned to fight for what he wanted.
From a young age, Peter discovered that if he threw a big enough tantrum, someone would give in since they were too tired, overwhelmed or distracted to maintain any kind of consistency.
Rather than making Peter feel good, constantly ending up getting his own way because no-one had the time or inclination to put their foot down, created in Peter a deep subconscious sense of insecurity.
As he got older, Peter’s subconscious was constantly prompting him to attempt to recreate the same relationships he had with his parents and siblings, with others around him.
Since Peter had no idea that this was the driving force in him, he was constantly feeling a sense of dissatisfaction and “something missing” in his romantic relationships.
This feeling, combined with his life experiences and what he’d learned to date, caused Peter’s conscious mind to give a certain meaning to this feeling.
His conscious mind, searching for logical reasons for the feeling, interpreted it to mean his partners were not really committed, or that they were more interested in other people or activities than they were in him.
The feelings of insecurity were interpreted by his conscious mind as responses to the lack of love and attention he was getting from his partners.
This reasoning prompted his brain to trigger his organs to produce the stress chemicals that cause the sensations recognized as jealousy.
And the more this happened, the more he identified with being “a jealous person”.
And so, the issue perpetuated.
No matter how hard Peter tried to control his jealousy, and no matter how much he used his conscious mind to try to reason with himself, he couldn’t help his automatic reactions.
His subconscious mind was constantly referring to the “proof” it contained that he is insecure and can’t rely on anyone.
It then prompted his brain to trigger his organs to produce the chemicals of insecurity.
His conscious mind would then search for reasons outside of himself for those feelings, and would find them in circumstances and people around him – the way his partner looked, the way she spoke to someone, the fact that she was late, the way someone looked at her – there was always something that could provide an apparently logical reason for the sensations he was feeling.
And those thoughts would then prompt his brain to trigger his organs to produce the chemicals that created the feelings of jealousy. And so, the vicious circle would continue.
How to Change the Records that Support Jealousy
The only way for Peter to free himself from jealousy is to change the original records that his subconscious is referring to that support the state of insecurity and not being able to rely on anyone.
So, Peter uses FasterEFT.
Although he has no idea of why he feels jealous (his conscious mind hasn’t yet made the connection between the insecurity he learned as a child and the jealousy he feels as an adult) he starts by simply aiming at the feeling of jealousy.
He goes to his earliest memory of feeling that feeling, and he addresses that memory using the FasterEFT Technique.
As Peter works his way through his memories of jealousy, he feels the feelings of insecurity, and addresses those as well.
In the background, his subconscious, having linked the early experiences that caused his insecurity with the jealousy, starts to dismantle that data automatically.
Eventually, as Peter clears and flips all of the memories and feelings that come up, he notices the jealousy has reduced and vanished.
He tests it by imagining his partner speaking to a good-looking, engaging man, and he feels a twinge of the old jealousy feeling.
He notices it and then uses the FasterEFT technique to tap it out.
He keeps testing until he can find no sign of the jealousy, and all representations of his memories and thoughts have completely flipped.
Here are a few resources to get you started:
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