When a loved one does something that hurts us, it can be very difficult to see clearly and do what it takes to overcome that emotional hurt. This is especially challenging when what they did or said was in a deliberate attempt to hurt.
The following few points will help you to understand not only how to get past the pain, but why it is essential you do so in order to experience the results you want in all areas of your life.
Why Should I be the One to Change?
The truth is, no matter how you feel and react, you cannot control or change anyone else. You can try; and if they cooperate, you may get some response; however you can never fully make someone else change. The only person you have full control over is yourself.
When someone does or says something that hurts you, who’s feeling the hurt? Since the feeling is inside you – inside your own body – you have the power to change it. No-one outside you can affect how you feel without your cooperation – because it’s your body that’s producing the feeling.
Learn to control your body and brain, and you are the only one in control of how you feel. And you have a choice: You can continue to feel the hurt feelings; or you can choose to take control of how you feel by doing what it takes to let go of the hurt feelings and choosing to feel good – independently of what’s happening around you.
Imagine being free from feeling hurt, and other negative emotions. Imagine being able to experience others doing or saying anything, and feeling no negative emotional response. Whether you’re aware of it or not, you have complete power over what you feel.
And the way you feel affects your own actions, responses, behaviors, choices, communication, relationships, productivity, concentration, motivation, and everything else.
Choosing to make the changes inside you that will result in a completely different way of experiencing those around you will ensure that you are always in control of your own happiness.
But They’re Wrong/ Rude/ Mean/ Inconsiderate
That may be – but only because of the references you hold that determine what wrong, rude, mean, inconsiderate, etc. is. If you didn’t have the knowledge that a particular behavior was rude, for example, you wouldn’t recognize it as rude. This is not about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about choosing what you want to experience and how you want to feel.
Let’s say, for argument’s sake, what they did was actually wrong, rude, mean or inconsiderate – let’s assume for a moment that there is such a thing as objective reality and fact regarding their actions or words – since you cannot go back in time and undo what they did; and since you cannot make them change and do what you want them to do, you have two choices:
A) Continue to feel hurt, angry or resentful. This means you are choosing to allow your body to remain in a stressed emergency state (fight, freeze or flight) – which causes physical damage as well as affecting your judgement, cognitive thinking, communication, actions, behaviors, and the way you relate to others.
B) Choose to take the action you can take to change your experience. Choose to change the records inside you that are causing the feelings you’re experiencing, and replace them with those that make you feel good.
These two options boil down to your choosing to feel bad, or choosing to feel good – without needing the cooperation of anyone else.
How to Get Over the Hurt
Although it may seem like an impossible task, you can get past the hurt quite quickly and easily – if you choose to do so.
Use the FasterEFT technique to clear and flip a memory of a loved one doing or saying something that hurt you; and use the technique in the moment if it happens again. Remember, you can use Mental Tapping if you are actually with people at the time.
“Letting Them Get Away With it”
It’s very natural and human to feel that by letting go of your feelings of hurt you are effectively allowing the other person to get away with it, or that you are somehow agreeing with it or condoning it.
The truth is, you are freeing yourself. That’s all. What you do and the way you react will not change what they did or said anyway; and by holding on to the feelings of hurt, you are only causing damage to yourself – and you are continuing to hurt yourself, where they left off!
By letting go of those feelings by changing the records inside you that result in them, you are setting yourself free – regardless of what those around you choose to do. That’s true empowerment.
For more information on using FasterEFT for relationship issues, visit: Relationships and FasterEFT.
For more information on how your mind works and how to change it, visit: The FasterEFT System.
To see FasterEFT in action, watch the videos in the FasterEFT in Action Playlist.