What do you do when you feel that someone is bullying you?
What’s the best course of action?
Do you retaliate?
Do you report the person?
Do you reach out to others for help?
Do you make the decision to find a new job, or a different place to live?
Or do you just try to ignore the bully and suffer in silence?
You could choose any of these; but do any of them empower you?
The problem with each of these options is that every one of them relies on someone else.
In each case, you need the other person to play their role in order for you to get your result.
So, what is the most effective and empowering way to deal with bullying and harassment?
That may sound unreasonable, but if you think about it, there is nothing you can do to control the behavior and choices of someone else.
The only person you can control is yourself.
Blaming the Victim
The suggestion to go inside and change your own perspective instead of trying to change the bully is seen by many people as putting the blame on the victim.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It is empowering the “victim”.
If you are relying on others to change the channels on your TV, and then discover you are holding a remote control, wouldn’t it make more sense to simply use your remote control to change the channel rather than trying to convince someone else to change it?
Think of yourself as a sail-boat on the ocean.
The people, circumstances, and events around you are weather conditions and obstacles – you cannot change the weather, and you cannot make the iceberg move to the side, or control the behavior of a whale; but you can change the settings of your sails.
You can adjust your sails to choose your encounters with your environment.
Blaming the wind for battering your boat as you keep your sails set to head into the eye of the hurricane is okay, but it won’t keep your boat from breaking up.
You can complain about the wind, you can be right about it, but it will still continue to do its thing.
The only way to change the result is to change your own path by setting your sails differently.
In other words, if you feel that someone is bullying you, instead of trying to change them or simply putting up with it, try changing the response inside yourself.
You’ll be amazed at the results.
The next time you catch yourself blaming anything or anyone outside of yourself (no matter what they did or said) remind yourself that no matter how right you are if you decide that only they have the power to change your experience of them, you are disempowering yourself.
Decide that only YOU have the power to change your experience, and do what it takes to change how you feel.
Picture this scenario:
One person likes to tease others about their accents.
He picks on two people with the same accent, in the same way.
One person feels hurt, insulted, and upset; the other finds it funny or doesn’t notice.
Which person is suffering? It’s not the bully, and it’s not the second person.
Now, if the first person makes the choice to change the way they feel, they are no longer suffering – and they are no longer at the mercy of the bully.
The bully can no longer affect the way they feel.
This is not about right or wrong; it’s about whether or not you want to suffer.
If we have a snowstorm in the middle of summer, there may be those who insist there shouldn’t be a snow storm and choose to go out in shorts and sandals.
This will not change the weather, but it will make them feel cold.
They can then choose to continue to feel cold, or they can choose to put on a coat and feel warm.
You can argue about right and wrong – and that’s okay, but it’s not going to change the weather.
You can choose to put on a coat – it still won’t change the weather, but it will change your own experience of that weather.
You Have Control
How you feel is completely within your control – if you choose to take that control.
Using FasterEFT is an easy, effective and lasting way of changing your experience by changing the “set of your sails”.
So, the next time you feel someone is bullying you, forget about trying to make them change their behavior (that’s like trying to change the weather) and instead, use the FasterEFT technique to change your own perspective and experience of that person.
Remember, you can use mental tapping in the heat of the moment and no-one will know you’re doing it.
Two things will happen:
- You will definitely feel different about the behavior – it will either not bother you, or you will find it amusing – without even trying.
- You will notice a change in the other person or in the circumstances. When the sail is not set against the wind, the wind has to blow past it.
Here are a few resources to get you started:
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