Losing someone you love is a heartbreaking, traumatic experience; and it’s one that can be near to impossible to fully recover from. The fact is, it is unavoidable; and no matter how you feel you cannot change the reality of it. The truth is that the feelings of grief over the loss of a loved one cannot change the event, but they do have an effect on you and those around you. Finding a way to overcome these feelings as soon as possible will help to give you the strength to reach a place where you are able to honor your loved one in place of grieving them.
FasterEFT can help you to make the changes very quickly and effectively; and in addition to using this technique it is helpful to acknowledge and remind yourself of certain facts:
The Effects of Grief
- If you have lost a loved one, your grief cannot bring them back or undo the event.
- Grief is a stress state that puts the body into “fight or flight”. This means that while you are feeling grief, blood is being pumped away from your organs to your extremities (to run away or fight), your heart-rate is increased, your digestive system is not working effectively, your body is not healing as fast, the cells of your body are receiving molecules of the stress hormones in place of nutrients, and the activity in the prefrontal cortex of your brain (where your cognitive thinking takes place) is reduced.
While the body is designed to survive in this emergency state for short periods of time (as long as it takes to escape a predator), long-term fight or flight states can cause damage and disease as well as affect genetic expression. For more information on the details of this, read: How Can Emotions Affect Physical Health.
- While you are in a state of grief, since the activity in your prefrontal cortex has been reduced, your cognitive thinking is impaired. This means that you are unable to think as clearly, communicate as effectively, see solutions, process information, and make objective decisions as you can when you are in a normal, balanced emotional state.
- Those around you are heavily impacted by the way you are feeling as it naturally affects your choices, decisions, behaviors, responses and communication.
- You are unable to really honor your loved one with love, appreciation, peace and happiness while you are in a state of grief. The sooner you are able to move out of that state, the sooner you will be able to think of that person with pure love and joy, minus the negative effects.
If you feel it may be disrespectful and uncaring to cut short the grieving process, read:How Long Should You Grieve After a Loss?
How to Use FasterEFT to Get Over Your Loss
Having realized the importance of spending as little time as possible in the state of grief over the loss of a loved one, it’s time to use the technique to get yourself through it as quickly and effectively as possible.
Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and focus on the feeling of grief. Focus on how you feel about the loss of your loved one. Notice where you feel that feeling in your body, and notice how strong it is. If zero represents not feeling it at all, and 10 represents the feeling being very strong, how strong is that feeling for you right now? Just notice it.
Now, using two fingers, gently tap the following meridian points while focusing on the feeling of your fingers on your skin and saying the phrases.
– Between your eyebrows – I release and let this go now
– Beside your eye – It’s okay to let it go now
– Under your eye – I don’t need it anymore, and it’s safe to let it go now
– Just below your collarbone – That’s right, just let it all go; and I’m safe as I’m letting it go now
Grab your wrist, take a deep breath, blow it out, and say “Peace”. Go to a peaceful memory and enjoy the feeling of that for a moment. In fact, it is even more effective if you go to a peaceful or fun memory you have of your loved one. A time you spent together that was fun or funny is ideal.
Now, go back to the feeling of grief; and notice what’s different. Notice if the intensity of the grief has changed in any way. Notice any sensations in your body. Just notice what’s still there.
Go back and repeat Steps Two through Four until the grief has completely gone and has been replaced by your positive feelings and memories of your loved one.
Keys to Remember
These are the key points that will help you to recover as quickly as possible:
- Your grief, while natural, is doing nothing to change the situation. It is not doing anything that will help you to move forward.
- Although it is natural to feel that by getting over your loss too soon you are showing disrespect to the person you’ve lost – think, for a moment, what they would prefer. If they love you, they would not want you to suffer. If your places were switched, would you rather they suffer as you have been; or would you rather they focus on the wonderful moments and fun you had together, remembering you with love and joy?
- Do not stop tapping until you have completely cleared the feelings of grief and loss and they’ve been replaced by feelings of love, peace, gratitude and other positive feelings.
- From now on, whenever you think of your loved one, if you feel any feelings at all that don’t feel good, use the FasterEFT process to tap them out in the moment. Don’t let them grow – the sooner you tap them out, the easier it is. The idea is to replace all sadness and grief with the good memories you have of your loved one.
Remind yourself that your sadness and grief does nothing to change what happened, and it causes damage to yourself and those around you.
And then ask yourself, how would your loved one prefer you to feel?
For more information on how and why FasterEFT works visit: The Basics of FasterEFT.
For more guidance on using the technique visit: The FasterEFT Technique – Step-by-Step.
To see others’ experiences of using FasterEFT for grief and loss, watch the videos in the FasterEFT Grief and Loss Playlist.