Shyness is not a one-size-fits-all personality trait. Shyness varies from person to person, and it is in fact a skill – a coping skill – that is learned and perfected as the individual grows. Like everything else, shyness is the result of records that the subconscious is referring to, and prompting the body and conscious mind to produce.
It can also be unlearned. The effective way to get rid of shyness permanently is to change the original subconscious records that provide the structure of shyness.
What is Shyness?
Although the way in which shyness affects each person, there are a few common aspects. Shyness is usually produced when the person is in a situation in which they feel insecure, worried, ineffective, unsure or inadequate.
How Does Shyness Work?
When a shy person finds themselves in a situation that triggers the shy response, the subconscious prompts the brain to signal the organs to produce the stress fight-freeze-or-flight hormones. This puts the body into an emergency state to a certain degree (the intensity will vary from person to person) – the heart rate increases, palms get sweaty, breathing becomes shallow, and the activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain is reduced. The effects can be debilitating.
What Causes Shyness?
A person can develop the coping skill of shyness through a variety of different experiences; but all of them will have been stored in the subconscious. As a baby grows, his subconscious interprets and files every experience, and then filters all future experiences through that data. There is not always a rational or logical connection between life experiences and shyness.
Here’s an example of how shyness can develop:
Ann was a happy baby. She was well-loved by her parents, and enjoyed good health up until she was four years old. Not long after her fourth birthday, her mother became ill with cancer, and died just a few months later. Ann’s grief caused her to retreat into her inner world. Her father, suffering from grief himself was unable to be there for her, and was quiet and distant.
As Ann grew older, her withdrawal following the death of her mother became a part of her personality. Having had no effective treatment for the loss of her mother, Ann’s quiet, introverted behavior continued long after the loss; and it became a part of who she was.
Those around her thought of her as shy; and her family and friends tried to encourage her to “be more outgoing”. Ann now identified with the shyness. She thought of herself as a shy, introverted person.
How FasterEFT can Help to Transform Shyness into Natural Confidence
Since FasterEFT works with the subconscious mind to change the original records that are resulting in the shyness, the effects are fast and long-lasting.
When she started working on her shyness, Ann had no idea that it stemmed from the death of her mother. When she first started using FasterEFT, she believed she was simply “a shy person”. So, she started by thinking of a situation she felt particularly shy in – a memory of arriving for her first day at high school.
She noticed what the feeling felt like, where in her body she felt it, and how strong it was. Then, she used the FasterEFT technique to tap out the feeling and flip the memory. For more on why it is so important to flip your bad memories, read: Why do We Flip Memories in FasterEFT?
As Ann went through the process, she suddenly had a flash of a memory of her mother. She could feel the emotions in her chest – the pain of loss she’d been carrying with her for most of her life. So, she addressed that feeling using FasterEFT as well. As she did this, she became very emotional, and all of the years of carrying the loss of her mother came to the surface to be cleared.
She continued to tap and clear everything that came up. She had vague flashes of memories of certain times, soon after her mother’s death, when she was sitting in the window just staring out at the swing-set in the yard. She had another memory of seeing her father sobbing, and the fear she felt as a four-year-old – adding to the sorrow.
Ann wrote down all of the memories that were coming to her as she worked through the process, and then addressed each one using FasterEFT. After she’d flipped the last one, she tested her shyness by imagining she was going to a social event that night where she wouldn’t know anyone. Although the feelings of shyness in her mind, as she imagined the scene, weren’t as intense as they had been before, there was still a little there.
She noticed it, and then tapped again, until the feeling was completely gone, and the image she had in her mind had spontaneously changed to one where she was happy, confident, and enjoying the event.
The New Coping Skill
Ann replaced her shyness through FasterEFT. From then on, whenever she felt uncomfortable, insecure, or bothered in any other way, she used the technique to clear and flip the feeling until she felt happy, secure and confident. When she was around other people and couldn’t tap physically, she used Mental Tapping.
Although the life experiences that resulted in Ann’s subconscious creating the structure of shyness will be different to yours; yours will still have been formed in the same way. There will be experiences in your life that your subconscious interpreted and filed, to support the physiological response of shyness. This is why no amount of logic or conscious reasoning can get rid of shyness – it’s a physiological response, not a conscious choice.
Start with what you know. If you have a memory you believe may have contributed to your shyness, start with that; if not, just start with what you do have. Start with how you know you feel shy.
Start with your strongest memory of feeling shy, like Ann did. Then, as memories come to you, write them down, and address and flip each one. Remember to keep going until you have completely flipped them. Then, from now on, whenever you feel uncomfortable, shy or bothered in any way, use FasterEFT (Mental Tapping if necessary) to flip that feeling and any associated thoughts or memories.
To find out more about how the subconscious creates these original records, read: The REAL Cause of All Your Problems.
For detailed guidance on using FasterEFT, read: The FasterEFT Technique – Step-by-Step.
To see FasterEFT in Action, watch the videos in the FasterEFT in Action Playlist.