How often do you feel bad? Are you able to feel bad in a good situation? For example – using “Yeah, but” or “What if?” Feeling bad takes skill – and we develop the ability to feel bad in order to fit in with our environment, as a survival mechanism. Fortunately, this skill can be changed.
Feeling bad is not our response to what is happening around us, it is our coping mechanism for surviving in what is happening around us.
What’s Wrong with You?
In many households and communities, being too happy is considered suspicious. In fact, for many children, expressing joy is met with the judgment: “What’s wrong with you?” or “Stop being silly!” or something similar. This usually comes from a place of discomfort in the other person. In some environments, being happy or expressing happiness is weird and unnatural.
Even just one or two experiences with being made to feel stupid or in some other way put down when expressing happiness can be enough for the child’s subconscious to interpret the experiences to mean being happy (or at least showing it) is dangerous. It’s dangerous because it comes with the risk of disapproval and rejection as well as humiliation.
And so, in order to fit in with their environment, the child will learn to develop the ability to feel bad. They find that when they emulate those around them – suppressing their natural tendency to feel good and express joy – they are accepted and they fit in with the family or community. This provides “proof” in the subconscious mind that this is the only safe way of being – it is natural and normal; and anything else is unnatural, unsafe, and even false.
As the child becomes an adult, they continue to live from this perspective, often feeling critical or judgmental of anyone else who expresses joy or excitement. When they see someone who appears to be “too happy” the subconscious, referencing their own “truth” based on those original experiences, will prompt their brain to trigger the major organs to produce the chemicals that cause one or more of the sensations of: resentment; intolerance; impatience; irritability; anger; disgust; or other negative emotions.
The cause of this reaction is not the behavior of the other person; it’s not actually even the past experiences of the person feeling the negativity – it is the foundation beliefs that have been formed in their subconscious, based on those experiences. It is how they represent the past in their subconscious that is the cause of their reaction. Once they change that representation, their natural, automatic response will change.
A “miserable” person is only miserable because they have learned that being miserable is the best way to survive in their environment and circumstances. That child, growing up in a different environment, with different life experiences would have a different temperament. We are not born with fixed temperaments; they are formed over time, as we develop our coping skills through experiences.
As these skills are formed, they become moods; and as the individual practices them more and more, they become a temperament. A miserable person can become a happy person, if they change the original data in the subconscious that “proves” they need to be miserable in order to fit in or survive – in order to be okay.
How do You Know You’re Good at Feeling Bad?
Jack was collecting his mail, and noticed there was a letter from one of the companies he’d applied to for a job. His first reaction was excitement, but it quickly turned to “It’s probably a rejection letter.” He opened it, with a sinking feeling – already expecting the worst, resulting in his brain triggering his organs to produce the chemicals that create the sensations of disappointment and hopelessness.
As he was opening the letter, Jack was already experiencing the worst case scenario – without any help from the letter, he was creating the experience entirely on his own.
As he stared to read it, he realized he’d been invited for an interview. The flicker of hope and excitement at this were immediately replaced with “But I’m terrible in interviews” followed by “I’ll say something stupid” and “I always screw these things up.”
Again, as Jack’s thoughts switched from the brief thrill of positivity to the reasons why there was no reason to be happy, his body followed. His brain automatically triggered his organs to produce the chemicals that would create the sensations that would match those thoughts. And those feelings caused his conscious mind to become more certain that what he was thinking was absolutely true.
And the more he focuses on that “truth” the more the chemicals produce the matching sensations that prove it’s true. And so, before Jack has even got anywhere near the interview, he has already failed over and over. Because the body can’t tell the difference between reality and thought, Jack’s body has literally gone through that disappointment already – many times – even though it hasn’t happened in reality.
Jack is an expert at feeling bad since he’s able to feel bad regardless of what is going on around him. And the reason Jack has this skill to such an expert level is – he learned from experts. His parents used the same coping skills, and Jack learned early in his life that in order to fit in with his family, he needed to adopt the same skills.
Naturally, this was not a conscious decision; so Jack is oblivious to it, and believes that the causes of his bad feelings are the circumstances he’s in; his bad luck; the bad experiences he’s had; the people that he has problems with; the state of the economy; his ex-wife… and so on. But the truth is, even when things go well for him, because he has been conditioned to see life through the same filters as his family, he will genuinely see the worst in each situation. It’s his perspective, and it seems completely real to him.
On the Other Hand…
James collects his mail, and recognizes that one of the letters is from a company to which he applied for a job. He feels the excitement and hope rise in him. He realizes that it may be a rejection letter, but is feeling positive as he opens it.
When he notices that it is indeed a rejection letter, the immediate disappointment and slight frustration are automatically replaced by a feeling of relief and the thought that it was probably not the right job for him anyway. This thought causes his brain to trigger his major organs to produce the chemicals that create the sensations of relief, hope, and freedom.
Since he’s feeling good, James’s prefrontal cortex is fully online, and his cognitive thinking is optimal. Because of this, he is able to remember that his friend, Simon left a message for him to call. He calls Simon back, feeling excited and positive. Simon tells him he’s been able to arrange an interview for James at his company for a job that would be perfect for him. James is aware that he doesn’t really have enough experience for the position, but his natural tendency to feel positive takes over, and he prepares for the interview.
Again, his positive emotional state allows him to be fully present, calm, and in top form in his communication and ability to present himself effectively. His positive emotional state has caused him to succeed in this interview over and over. His body followed his mind, and experienced the success long before he turned up for the interview – which affected his body language, expressions, tone of voice, and everything else, giving him the best possible chance of success in the real situation.
James is good at feeling good because he developed that skill through his life experiences. His mother was good at feeling good; he learned the skill from her, and he didn’t encounter any significant experiences that “proved” the opposite (or certainly, none that were strong enough to change the original evidence held in his subconscious).
Where Jack is programmed to feel bad, in any circumstances; and has developed the skill of feeling bad to the expert level – even in the face of positive experiences – James has developed the skill of feeling good, regardless of what’s going on around him. They’re both skills, and they are learned, not genetic or something a baby is born with.
Shifting from Glass-Half-Empty to Glass-Half-Full
The great news is that Jack, and others who have similar temperaments can (if they choose to) make the changes in the subconscious records they’re carrying, that will result in transforming their perception of the world, their skills – and as a result, their experiences in life. A person whose default state is to feel good will experience more reasons to feel good than a person whose default state is to feel bad.
In order to make the transformation from a naturally negative person to a naturally positive person, you need to change the original records that provide the “proof” that feeling bad is the best way to ensure survival. You can use FasterEFT to work with your subconscious to make these changes naturally and automatically.
How to Use FasterEFT to Change the Records
Close your eyes and take a deep breath, and go back to your earliest memory of feeling good. Think about what happened, and notice any bad feelings or thoughts that come up. Then use the FasterEFT technique to flip that memory.
If there are no bad emotions or thoughts that come up with that memory, go to another one – find one where you learned that feeling good was bad – and address that using FasterEFT.
Don’t stop until you have flipped the memory completely. And from now on, whenever you find yourself feeling bad, use the technique to flip the feeling and any related memories and thoughts. You can use Mental Tapping in the moment if you’re unable to tap physically.
For more information on FasterEFT and how it works, visit: The FasterEFT System.
To watch videos about FasterEFT visit the FasterEFT YouTube Channel.