In a previous post we talked about how eutaptics®/FasterEFT can help you improve complicated relationships with others, especially family members. In FasterEFT, we rewrite painful or uncomfortable memories into happy ones.
But what if you don’t have any actual memories of the person?
Well, while you don’t have “real” memories of them, you likely created ideas of who you think they are. People who grew up without their biological father (or mother) tend to do this. This is common with people who grew up without a significant role model in their life, especially a father figure.
How do you rewrite memories that you’ve made up? How do you get rid of the idealized version you’ve created in your mind?
Well, you may not have to. It really depends on your situation.
My situation was built on the unknown. I had no idea who my biological father was. He could’ve been a killer, rapist, or whatever. This is another common thing people do. They create weirdness in their minds on who their father is, because they just didn’t know. That unknowing leads to an imagination running wild with the worst possibilities!
In my case, I didn’t do that. Instead, I imagined a father who was a highly intelligent and good-looking man.
When I discovered who my biological father was four months ago, I found that to be true! It was a relief when I got my ancestry-based DNA test back. Being able to look at my father’s history helped me discover where I came from. It supports what I’m doing in my life. I came from a good bloodline, with a line of people who help others.
In fact, we can trace my father’s bloodlines back to the founding of the United States — one of my ancestors, William Henry Gaines, helped write the Declaration of Independence, was cousin to John Taylor of Carline and of John Penn, and was a personal friend of George Washington — and further back to the time of King Henry V. My fifteenth great-grandfather, Dafyyd Gam ap Llewelyn, saved his life! He was even knighted posthumously. I’ve received all of this knowledge about my father and family that I didn’t have before.
I actually have several siblings that I didn’t know about either. I haven’t had the opportunity to explore more about them yet, but I’ve written to a couple. We’re sharing genealogy and stories about our father, but we haven’t really met yet. Though I did meet my sister’s daughter at a recent seminar!
I know that’s something that others are experiencing as well, thanks to that DNA test I mentioned. We all probably know someone who uncovered that they have a sibling they didn’t know about — or maybe that the sibling they grew up with wasn’t actually related to them!
It can be hard to process all this, especially if the person who could answer your questions (like your parents) are no longer around.
So how do you handle it?
Let’s circle back to how you handle not knowing who your father is. You created some version of who he is in your mind from an early age. That might have shifted as you got older, but think about who you picture now.
If you aren’t able to figure out who your father is, then it’s time to let go of that person you picture and create the best version of who you think they might be. If you’re never able to discover who he is, then imagining the worst is only hurting you! Let yourself create the ideal version of your father and use that as you move forward with your life.
And what if your experience of discovering your father was different from mine? Instead of finding a bloodline you could be proud of, you discovered he was actually even worse than the worst version you imagined?
Let go of the real version. Keep the good memories, the ones you created when you imagined who he might be, and change the rest. Tap on the emotions that come up when you think about your father.
Dealing with parents, especially absent ones, can be tricky. Remember that your value doesn’t come from your parents. You could have the best parents, or the worst, what matters is how you feel about them. Focus on that, tap on that, and you’ll be able to move forward with a clear head.
If you’d like to learn more about how you can use eutaptics®/FasterEFT to help you manage relationships like this, you might be interested in our new relationship course: My Family Screwed Me Up. It’s available for $147 until June 18th, and then the price goes up to $397.
This course explores how to find the root cause of your current problems in your relationships, the real secret to changing everything about your life, how to create healthy fulfilling relationships, and the changes and shifts in your own relationships when tapping-a-long to the session videos.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]