How many times do you find yourself agreeing to do things that you don’t have time to do, can’t afford, or just don’t want to do? How many favors have you done, and felt taken advantage of later? How many sacrifices of your own happiness and well-being have you made in order to please someone else?
Are you ready to make the changes that will free you to say “no” easily, naturally, and with not one drop of guilt? It may seem far-fetched from where you are now; but there is a way you can literally “reprogram” yourself to be comfortable with saying “no” to what you don’t want.
In fact, just as comfortable as those you admire for their independence, confidence and freedom. Read on to find out what it takes…
Why Saying “No” is Hard for You
Although every person is unique, and the reasons behind the inability to say “no” vary significantly from one person to the next, there is a common theme. The basic foundation of why you can’t say “no” is the same.
You have a structure of “proof” inside your subconscious that links saying “no” to something detrimental. This may be disapproval; it may be criticism; it may be missing out on something or losing something; or it may even be a threat to your survival.
The fact that it isn’t true (you’re unlikely to die because you told your friend that you are not going to give up your one day off to drive him to his ex-girlfriend’s house) doesn’t make it any less real to your brain and body.
For more details on this, suggested reading: The Real Cause of All Stress.
The difference between you and someone who finds it easy to say “no” to things they don’t have time for, or don’t want to do, is the internal structure in the subconscious mind. For more detailed information on this structure, how it’s created, and the effects on daily life, read: The REAL Cause of All Your Problems and What Determines Your Character and Personality?
Change that structure, and you will automatically and naturally, not only feel comfortable with saying “no” – you’ll also know how to say it diplomatically, without the fall-out you’re currently worried about.
It’s Not What You Think it is
No matter how real something may seem, each of us is only seeing the world and others through our own filters. For example: You’ll notice that while you may feel that if you tell someone “no” they’ll be angry, upset, or hurt – others feel quite comfortable with saying no.
They don’t expect any negative response for it. Or if they do, it doesn’t bother them. Everything you experience (including your interactions with others) is based on what you hold in your subconscious.
It is all entirely reliant on the data your subconscious is referring to. Change the data, and you change your experience.
How to Develop the Ability to Say “No”
In order to learn to comfortably say “no” you need to aim at the original cause. Fortunately, using FasterEFT doesn’t require knowing exactly what the original cause is. You only need to know how you know you have the problem.
Start by thinking about how you feel when you know you should say “no” to something or someone. Notice what the feeling feels like, where in your body you feel it, how strong it is.
Notice any thoughts or memories that come up as you feel it. Think back to your past, and make a note of any early experiences with either this feeling, or saying “no”. It may not necessarily be you saying “no” – you may have witnessed the consequences of someone else saying “no”.
On the other hand, the feeling may not have had anything to do with saying “no” – it may have been an experience of something that had nothing to do with saying “no” – but if it had the same feeling, it will most likely be connected in your subconscious, forming part of the structure.
Next, use the FasterEFT process to address those earliest experiences. If you can’t remember any early experiences, just use the technique on whatever it is you do know. Notice how you know you can’t say “no” or how you know that saying “no” would be detrimental.
Notice how you know, and then use the technique to tap on that feeling. Remember to take your focus off the problem and focus on the feeling of your fingers on your skin as you tap. Then go back and check. Don’t stop until you’ve flipped the memory and feeling.
Finally, imagine saying “no” to someone, and notice how it feels now. Tap out anything negative; and from now on, whenever you find yourself feeling that you can’t say “no” when you want to or feel you should, tap it out right then, in the moment.
Tap until you feel comfortable saying “no”. If you can’t tap physically because you’re in public, use Mental Tapping.
For a detailed guide on using FasterEFT read: The FasterEFT Technique – Step-by-Step.
For more information on how your mind works, and how to transform all areas of your life using FasterEFT visit the FasterEFT YouTube Channel.
Article by: Robert G. Smith