April 29, 2013 at 12:43 pm #25013
I have been successfully tapping on a lot of issues relating to childhood. My belief was that if I kept going back I could fix, resolve and change the past. I actually have got to the point, after years and years of looking backwards and trying to be in control, where I know want to let go.
Stuff happens and sooner or later I need to accept that I am a grown woman with children and the past is gone. I feel weighed down my living in the past, but feel addicted to keep going back there. (It is as If I could only fix, be in control, make it right, erase everything until it is perfect etc). Its not the traumas now that are holding me back, its the fact that I can't/don't want to grow up and let go, and accept my past, and my childhood is over. I want to let go, but I am afraid.
I have dealt with having one parent with severe mental illness, the other very angry, controlling, bitter and critical of me, shattering my confidence and identity by the time I was old enough to go to playgroup (age 3). I lived in constant fear of a angry over reaction, and was already treading on egg shells, trying not to upset anyone, by the time I started school, (aged 4). My brother copied her behaviour towards me, and all the other family members that I had any link too, died. I was bullied and experienced years of panic attacks, nightmares, over reactions, depression anxiety and under achieving.
I want to believe that my past is truly over and I don't have to fix anything. Stuff happens and it isn't my fault and it is done with.
There may be issues that surface but I have been so obsessed and in love with the past that I am avoiding the now.
Has anyone else had experience of being so attached to an issue or the past for its familiarity rather than letting it go and moving on?
I always wanted to feel adored, secure and loveApril 30, 2013 at 11:35 am #25014
I had similar problems. I created mine from memories, of course, from what I thought that as an adult I not allowed to feel good, or be free. Funny is, when I cleared those – it took months, to tell the truth-, and I wanted to accept, that I am not a child anymore, there was nothing to accept. It simply didn't bothered me any more. I am me, and it is not important, how old or how adult I am.
And of course, it you have memories with strong emotions, your mind will bring you to those- you may experience it as an obsession of the past, but it is just part of the healing process.
Tap on your “obsession” as long as you can still produce, and it will vanish.
Hope this helps,
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