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Complex case? Crazy?

Home Forums FasterEFT PTSD, Trauma & Anxiety Complex case? Crazy?

This topic contains 21 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  CompletelyHealed 5 years, 9 months ago.

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  • #25353


    Participant

    Hi everyone :)
    I’m new to this community! I finally decided to post because i really need your input and advices on my “case”!

    I’ll try to make it as short and clear as possible!!

    I’ve been living in fear for as long as i can remember. I’ve been diagnosed more than 15 years ago with general anxiety disorder and social and body shame phobia and before age 15, i’ve had alot of panic attacks and was an anxious kid. I’ve tried everything to feel better, i’ve seen alot of professionals : doctors, psychologist, eft practitioner, psychiatrist, dietetics, exercises and a lot more plus i’m taking medication because i was getting too sick physically to even fonction at home. It took me 10 years to accept to take pills because i wanted to heal without them but i was so much in pain that i had to finally gave up and accept to take them. I’ve been also working on myself these last 15 years as well, i’ve read alot of books on healing, positif thinking etc…

    10 years ago i started to tap on my anxiety. After a few years of trying, i gave up. I was too tired and i was starting to feel hatred, anger and discouragement towards parts of me that was sabotaging every little things i did to heal or to feel good. And i felt this intense violence inside of me when i was trying to think positive and let things flow for once.

    Anyways, 6 weeks ago, i was so depressed, i’ve decided to tap again and i found faster EFT.

    I noticed a pattern and i need help. It’s like i have this part of me that wants to change her perception on life, on herself and wants to finally feel what its like to feel good, at peace, joyful, relaxed. Because to be honest, i don’t remember a single time i felt good. And then, there’s this part of me that is violent when i tap on feeling good. It’s like this part doesn’t wanna hear anything from the other part.

    Anyways, this last part had the power on my whole self, this part scare the …out of me. It’s like i can’t control or take back my power. This parts control everything and sabotage everything i do. Example:

    I feel grateful to have a car so i can be independent, the next day i felt that, my car broke.
    I’ve had a boyfriend, i was feeling grateful for that relationship but then, he broke up with me.
    I started to plan an exercise program to get back in shape, it really is important for me and the next thing you know, my leg broke so i couldn’t go on with my project.
    I was excited to go to a show but when the day of the show arrived, i was so sick i couldn’t go.
    One week ago, i was happy to read a new book that i bought but then the next day i woke up with both of my eyes swelling and i couldn’t really see a thing so i couldn’t read.

    ETC.. the list goes on and on, you get the ideas. It’s like i’m sooo scared to feel, have or be something because i know this part of me will sabotage everything. It’s a very strong belief. (I tapped on it) It’s like i don’t even want to think or feel ok to be alive in case i die because of this part. As you can see ‘m terrified.

    Anyway, i’m glad i noticed that pattern, but i’m stuck. I’ve tried to remember when i first started to feel this way or when i was a kid how i reacted when i had something good happening to me but i can’t seem to remember anything in my young years consciously,a big BLANK page..
    I tapped on:
    feeling scared, terrified, always on guards with my emotions ( like i cant be too ok or happy because something very bad will happens and geez it does nothing to reassure me…) i tapped on feeling insecure, i tapped on that part that doesn’t wanna hear or change anything, i tapped on being confused, being powerless to that part, Anyways i tapped on everything that came up, i tapped on my physical pain as well and i even tapped on family beliefs even ancestry beliefs but nothing works. I feel this part of me uses every stratagems and good ones to stop me with my healing journey. How can i win on my own-self? (because this part of me is still inside me) Does this part wants to punish me? Protect me? It’s like it uses threatening thoughts to stop me from healing. I tapped on that as well… At the beginning i was trying to talk gently to this part of me, to listen to it etc.. but time goes by and this part make bad things happens to me and makes me sick so i’m not that gentle with this part anymore. I’m getting impatient, i’m not ashamed to be because it’s been more than 15 years that i want to feel better but i always come back at square 1.

    Faster EFT is like my last resort. As you can imagine, when i do faster EFT, i can’t remember a moment i felt good. For 2 reasons, i don’t remember a freaking souvenirs of when i felt good and i”m scared to death of the part that will hurt me after i feel good and this part will also made me feel guilty. (tapped on that also) I can’t be rational while tapping at all, it angers me to say’ you can feel good, you have the rights to want things in life etc..” it’s like this part screams. NOOOO. and i can’t argue with it.

    I’ll stop now, i hope this post is clear lol i’ve tried my best! ;) Anyways with all the tapping, at least alot of things came up…(list above) but i want to feel the change, i deserve to have a better inside and outside life.

    Thank you for your time and your help!

    p.s. there’s no faster EFT coach near me and to be honest, i’ve seen soooo many people in my life to help me, that now i want to do it by myself but i need a little help.

    Megan

    #25354

    Christy R.
    Participant

    Megan –

    Good job! Sounds like you have your subconscious scared —-less, so it’s acting out. The subconscious always, always, ALWAYS wants to protect you no matter what. No matter how sad, and miserable it makes you. No matter how illogical it is or how you try to rationalize with it. Every time it rears it’s ugly head and throws a tantrum, you must realize it’s just panicking. “Oh crap, she’s trying to change something, and change isn’t safe.” And throws you a curve to get you off track.

    How do you know it’s not okay to feel happy, safe, comfortable, etc?
    Go to every time one of those ‘bad things’ (car, bf, leg, etc) happened and tap it out. Those are the table legs or ladder rungs to your problem.
    That part that screams NO, is the resistance. Go there. Once you get the resistance out of the way, you mind will offer up what you need to let go of.

    Honestly, what you have here is a good start to a peace list. =)

    While there may not be anyone in your area, a lot (most) practitioners work over Skype so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Additionally, the work may be done over the phone with great success as well. A skilled practitioner will hold your hand and guide you through the changing and releasing. You don’t have to do it alone. None of us do (even Robert). =) And in the end, a practitioner will help you re-integrate all those pieces of you.

    HTH, and let me know if you need help.
    Christy Hall
    http://www.phoenixwholistic.com

    #25355

    Joy W. Pan
    Participant

    Megan2014 said

    Anyway, i’m glad i noticed that pattern, but i’m stuck. I’ve tried to remember when i first started to feel this way or when i was a kid how i reacted when i had something good happening to me but i can’t seem to remember anything in my young years consciously,a big BLANK page..*
    I tapped on:
    feeling scared, terrified, always on guards with my emotions

    Megan

    *May be couple cents, if helpful, that when we observe ourselves, there would be multiple components happening inter-relating to our on going existence. The relationships one has with the supporting surrounding environment (eg, physically, socially, and psychologically) are constantly impacting the adaptation strategy to stressful situation.

    Trauma is a fact of Life, but it does not have to be a Life sentencing. (quote from Peter Levine) When trauma happened to people at a very young age, two three or even during prenatal period, it’d be during the time when the brain development required the most nurturing support. Even if one can not remember what happen to them during their much earlier age, their body (physical/biological) does remember it. If the situation during the developmental age was too stressful, then, one of the physical adaptation strategy is to shut down, or numb out. You don’t recall it (draw a blank), but your body will remember it. That is implicit-memory.

    #25356


    Participant

    Thank you so much for your replies. :)

    You asked how i know feeling good/happy is unsafe or bad. I tapped on that and the answers that came up were :
    you can’t always feel happy or good in life so when you feel good you know that it’s a matter of time before a really bad thing will happens to make you feel in distress,bad.
    i can’t manage/cope with the bad things that life throws at me, i feel like i don’t have any resources inside that i can use so i just pray that life will be easier on me because i hear myself screaming that i can’t take pain/suffering, i can’t deal with my distress inside.

    I also noticed that i have this belief that things can’t be easy or that i can’t have that much power to change effortlessly. I feel like i can’t change this or that because other people say you can’t so i hear myself saying, if 100 millions people say it’s impossible for me to do that or they’re saying the cat is white, how can I, all alone, can say otherwise, like the cat is black and that i can change. It’s like if 100 millions people believe and say that, how can i choose to believe otherwise, it makes no senses at all. Why could i be the one to be “right”? How can i create my own true when i know i’m the only one that wants to believe this or that and that i don’t even trust myself?

    It’s like alot of things are coming up since i started tapping! Surprised Surprised

    I will keep coming back with more questions!!

    Thanks again! :)

    Megan

    #25357


    Participant

    Anyone? :p

    #25358


    Participant

    Hello again :)

    I was wondering, when i tap, can i say: ” i release and let go of the cause/origin of this problem” ? Cause alot of times, i don’t know what causes the problem…

    I was also wondering, since english isn’t my first language, i do tap in english since i feel the words, does it matter if it’s not my first language or the language i used when i was a kid? Does the subconscious understand anyway?

    Thanks!!
    Megan

    #25359


    Participant

    Hello hello!! Smile

    This morning when i tapped here’s what i found. Surprised

    I resist life. I mean, really, i don’t accept that life can be sometimes hard and sometimes fun and light. So that is why i blamed myself when something bad or something i don’t want happens. For a long time i though i was the one responsible if bad things happened to me ( cause that meant i didn’t anticipate every details) and i was getting angry at myself and i would punish myself. I was also thinking that life didn’t love me or that i was ” cursed”. I even began to resist the good and the bad things!! That’s why i feel often stuck!!

    Now that i know that i have some resistance towards acceptance of LIFE, i tapped on it and the only thing that came out was that i can’t face disappointment, hurt, frustration… i feel like i can’t face life and i have proofs for that..

    What can i tap on now? I know now that i can’t fight or escape life’s sorrow, pain etc.. so how can i accept??

    Thank you!!!
    Megan

    #25360


    Participant

    Hi Megan2014,
    It sounds like your persistance is paying off! You are doing a great job!
    First try to remember that you are not broken or crazy….your lovely mind is working perfectly and doing what it thinks will keep you safe! So perhaps start by saying thank you to your mind for looking after you!
    The great part is that you do not have to fight or accept lifes sorrows or pains….you can change your perceptions about anything by accepting and loving yourself and by tapping out the negative feelings at anytime they come up!
    Start with how does hurt, disappointment, and frustration feel inside your body? Is it a stomach ache or tightness in your chest? Tap on it.
    Or just ask how do you know this is a problem?….and tap. I also ask who will I be without this problem or feeling and usually an answer will come that I can tap on…

    I have only been doing this feft for a short time myself…but the results have been really good so far!
    Keep tapping on your issues! You will have the results you desire::Smile
    Best Wishes!

    #25361

    CompletelyHealed
    Participant

    Thank You Megan2014 for posting and Giving us All the chance to Learn with You! I am VERY INSPIRED by your Story! Its like… You are Me, but I am NO LONGER You, but because of MY Healing, I SEE that you WILL again join ME! Makes sense in MY Head! Hehehe

    You are NOT Cursed, or Destined for Badness, there is absolutley NO Forces against you, but From your Perceptions, YOU have made certain decisions, judgments, opinions, beliefs… etc, that Now Trigger you into certain behaviors and Thought processes which CREATE a Mindful Mess? Once these Triggers become an Automatic Process from your Subconscious Mind, they are Automatically played when Triggered. Which CREATES more Fears and Limits on your AVAILABLE Resources. The GOOD NEWS is that “ALL THAT” is just some Habits you Learned and/or Created, and CAN BE CHANGED! The INTENSE Dread takes such STRENGTH of your SubConscious Mind, which means it is EQUALLY Capable of CREATING a Life of INTENSE HAPPINESS! In a way… you UN-Consciously created these FEARS, but you can CONSCIOUSLY “CHANGE” your (SubConscious) Mind! WooHoo! Its TRUE!

    Heres what I did…

    1st, I Tapped to myself… “Thank You SubConscious mind (whatever you call your Inner Self?) for HOLDING Me to my BELIEFS that “I” FORMED from MISTAKEN Perceptions and Thoughts. You are SOoo POWERFUL, that you HELD ME to my Pain by waking my sleep, to remind me my Pain pills were no longer Blocking those signals I CREATED.”

    Which by the way, NOW that I NO Longer suffer with Pain, I understand “THAT” I Must have been Creating “IT”, because its not like I did anything Physical to MAKE it Go Away? One Minute it was there, then I banged on my head (Tapped), and Told it to GO AWAY (followed a video and borrowed benefits), and IT DID! Poof! Gone! I went from a Dis-Abled Negative outlook of a Person, to SOMEONE who LOVES and ENJOYS Life, I no longer let things Bother me, I CHOOSE “NOT to Stress!”

    I BELIEVE that we SubConsciously create blockages to our Nature ability to Heal. When we “Let Go” of the EMOTIONAL/MENTAL aspect of our problem, our bodies go back to their NORMAL/NATURAL State of Healing. As you Relieve your Stressors, you Breath normally, so you get proper Oxygen into your Blood… blahblahblah!

    (Back to communicating with the SubConscious MInd… tapping and thinking to MYSELF…) “I NOW call on you to work WITH ME in a Positive/Happy/Healthy way! I WANT for US to USE “OUR POWERS” for Our GOOD and HAPPINESS!”

    Now would be a Good time to start thinking and Getting a Clearer picture of “WHO” you PREFER to be, or HOW you PREFER to THINK, ACT… or whatever Behavior/Habit you WISH/WILL to CHANGE!

    Every time a “Wrong” thought came into my mind, I would mentally/physically Tap and say “STOP (PG version! Hehehe), I NO LONGER “WILL” for YOU to bring me these TRIGGERED thoughts, from NOW ON, I will you to bring me Happy thoughts, like… ___________” (insert you BEST CHOICE!) Then take a few Seconds to think of YOUR Happy Thought! Oh YEAH, If you dont have one already, CREATE the ABSOLUTELY BEST thought that you can think of, you Know? Like if you had a Genie or Something, or Caught a Leprchan? This is fun just Thinking about it! Or sometimes is was AWESOME to just Allow Myself to FEEL the LOVE of someone from my past, just imagining the BIGGEST BESTEST HUG, maybe some LOVING THoughts, NOTHING BUT LOVE! Hehehe

    After a while, your SubConscious WILL CREATE a NEW PROCESS for those “old” thought processes. Its like the SubConscious is Triggered, and WAS patterned to send a Negative Thought into your Consciousness, but now it KNOWS that you are gonna “CATCH IT” and CONSCIOUSLY trigger YOU to THINK of a HAPPY Thought, SOoooo it just SENDS a HAPPY THOUGHT! Be PERSISTANT until you FORM the NEW HABIT (Automatic Process) of Happy/Positive Thoughts! Spend AS MUCH time THINKING about Pleasurable things as you can, CREATE NEW HAPPY-NINGS!

    To Many who have been practicing fasterEFT for a while, may recognize what I am talking about, but perhaps, use different Terminology to Describe IT!

    I HOPE you Find Rapport with this Post, and Sense the LOVE in which it IS INTENDED!

    You may find Tapping MORE Effective if you Quit thinking about it as a process, and structuring what you need to say, think and do… and just tap through the Meridians AS you SEND POSITIVE Communication to your SubConscious, on PURPOSE! You Know, like when you Catch yourself slipping into the old habits of Worrying about whatever, just Stop yourself and take a deep breath and say something to yourself… it can be funny to Help make you Laugh or Smile… like… (in your funniest imagined voice) “Daaaaaaaaang! You ALMOST got me going! But GOOD ALWAYS WINS, take THIS!” And think of something Funny, Happy, Peaceful… you get the Picture?

    Thanks again for posting! Oh hey, you could start small, by making tiny changes in the way you do things… left sock first, pants before shirt? Are there any old Hobbies you got stashed away that used to give you Pleasure? Start doing some of the small things that the NEW and IMPROVED YOU WILL BE DOING once you CHANGE your MIND! I DO BELIEVE the Better you become at CHANGING your Mind, the Quicker Changes happen…

    I am SURE will become to KNOW what I am telling you! Good Luck!

    #25362


    Participant

    Hello!
    Wow mustang65 and CompletelyHealed you don’t know how much your replies helped me!

    Mustang65, the “who will i be without this problem ?” was really helpful!!

    Completelyhealed, wow, you bring me hope! I’ve been tapping every single day for almost 3 months now, even though some days i’m in pain or feel hopeless, i persist and your post brings me the light i needed!!!

    Thank you so much!!

    P.s. i noticed that the “quick tap” is working much better for me!!

    Megan

    #25363


    Participant

    Hi Megan2014, How is it going?
    Just read a post about resistance and tapping and thought of you and your thoughts about resisting life. I have thought alot about resistance and how it shows up in my life since reading your post a while back. Anyway I never thought about resistance in the way I tap but after watching this video I realized that I do this at times. The video is in general questions “Aiming or Fighting it” {sorry dont know how to post video yet} Hopefully you will get a chance to see it and will find it helpful.
    Best wishes

    #25364


    Participant

    Hi Mustang65 Smile

    Thank you for post, i went to see the video and it is really helpful!!Cool

    To answer your question, how it’s going, well for the last few days i’ve been very sick and i discovered (because i went to the dentist) that my wisdom teeth ( im old but still have them) are pushing on my nerve and are trying to grow and since i do not have any insurance, and it’s about 450$ for 1 Tooth to be extracted ( a professional has to do this since my teeth are too close to the nerve), i’m taking advils and i tap because it hurts!!! Anyways! I read in Louise Hay books that wisdow teeth means that we don’t have alot of mental space for new things, so i guess if my wisdom teeth wants to be taking out, i guess that means i”m ready for mental space for new thinking lollLaugh

    I hope you’re doing good!! Thank you so much for your time, i appreciate all the answers i get here! Smile

    Megan

    #25365


    Participant

    Hello again!Kiss

    I have a new question, since my main problem seems to be that i lack a feeling of security inside myself, i feel it in my body. My body hurts everywhere (been years) and i feel like it is trying to protect me from EVERYTHING by being at war with my conscious, i don’t know how to explain. I’ve tried to tap it out but i feel like i’m putting myself in danger ( physically and emotionally) if i let go and then that i’ll be MORE hurt physically and emotionally (trust me, i’ve had enough pain already, its barely tolerable!) and then it’ll be all my fault (feeling of danger + physically and emotionally hurts+ guilt)…

    How can i tap this out? I’m glad my unconscious is trying to protect me from everything, but the thing is, this protection now is making me sick physically and very sad and depressed. It’s like my subconscious tells me it is better to feel sad and protected…

    Hard to explain lol help! Thanks!

    P.s. i have this huge migraine ( its been a month) and it won’t go away, i know it is because there’s alot of “fights” going on inside of me, what can i do? Geez , can i see the light now? Wink I’ve been very persistent!!!!

    MeganCool

    #25366

    CompletelyHealed
    Participant

    Megan2014.. I DO know these feelings personally. PLEASE Trust Me in saying that these Feelings are NOT TRUE!

    You can HAVE as much Peace and Happiness as you can CLAIM. Time for some more Tapping Self Talk!

    Start Tapping while you Talk to yourself about How Fortunate you are for HAVING such a POWERFUL SubConscious Mind! Ask YOURSELF to HELP you PRESERVE the LEARNINGS from your Perceptions in that Special place you Reserve your Learnings of Life, and then to HELP you Release the Feelings (Mental, Physical and Emotional). Then take a Deep Peace Breath and Hold it as long as you can, and when you cant hold it any longer, Imagine you are Blowing IT ALL OUT, and into a Balloon. Imagine tying it, then POP IT and FEEEL your troubles dissolve into the air! (Since you make the rules, you can Claim NO TAG BACKS!)

    Take another Peace Breath and say… “I TRULY DO LOVE and FORGIVE Myself… COMPLETELY!” While FEEEEELING the Meaning OF those words!

    Feeling things like that makes Quicker work of Reaching agreement with your SubConscious Mind!

    Re-reading your Posts… you appear to be equally Kinesthetic (a feeler) and Digital Audio (self talker) and perhaps NOT so much a Visual (easily picture things)? It occurred to me that perhaps All of this Visualizing is causing your HeadAches? Substitute FEELING for Visualizing while you Tap, then TALK yourself into the State of Peace?

    I FEEL that your Healing is CLOSE!

    #25367


    Participant

    Megan, thank you, thank you, thank you for starting this thread! Like you, I have issues that knock me flat whenever I make plans to do something. Even now, as I am writing this, the phone suddenly started ringing over and over. I’m at work, so I have to answer it. It did not ring once until I started answering your post. Several years ago I learned that when these things happen, that means I am on the right track and my programming is threatened. It does get better with tapping. I got my advanced EFT certification years ago, and discovered F-EFT two or three months back. They are both wonderful, and the F-EFT is helping make changes the EFT couldn’t. Keep tapping, because it works!

    The advice you received in the other replies is great. I can tell they know what you are going through and have discovered some fabulous ways to tap through. Like you, my programming is super strong, and when I take steps to move forward in my life it will go to any lengths to stop me. Through a lot of tapping and self-discovery, I continue to make progress. Now the sabotage doesn’t happen so much when I am happy. It has become more insidious, and keeps me now in a state of mild depression. But as I continue to tap, I uncover fears that caused it to sabotage me in the first place. I worked through a LOT of issues dealing with fear of abandonment and rejection. I know there is more to go on them, but underneath that is a belief that I don’t deserve good things or feelings.

    One of the things I discovered that helps is to tap in the happy feelings.

    I have to go now, but I hope to post more on that later. It really does help.

    Best wishes to you!

    Charlotte

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