- February 26, 2013 at 3:35 am #24540
Hi all, I recently discovered FasterEFT through a short seminar here. Very interested in using it. I have been doing the mental tapping for about 30 minutes a day on the very few memories from my childhood that I recall. Noticed that the emotions shifted through several different phases. Can someone explain what I should then do to flip this memory/feelings to something more positive?
I'm finding that I don't get emotional charges from my past memories. When I tapped on one low level emotion it did shift into something more powerful. But I find most of my past is very numb and repressed. I can only remember about 4-5 memories off the top of my head, and maybe a few more if I really focus. And I'm kind of 'out' of the memory which is why I don't really feel a strong charge.
The memories are small 5-10 second snippets so I'm not sure if these are triggers. But the issues I have are:
I was picked on a lot during school so I became very subdued and never really developed social skills. After I left school I started working on myself and a few years later I became social. Now I'm very social, always out. But when it comes to women I am very much on autopilot and everything I do revolves around not upsetting them. Which obviously isn't attractive.
And I don't realise what I'm doing as everything is done subconsiously. There's no conscious voice determining my action. Like if I see a cute girl I may think she won't be interested, I'm not her type, if I'm looking at her I assume she'll be annoyed (so I then create this reality), I'm not good at attracting women, I have to be really nice and polite (I rarely touch women, I always repress my energy/masculinity, etc).
I want to be that guy who is sought after, charismatic, sees a women and has positive expectations, playful. I'm none of these things. I feel that playful will get me in trouble. Maybe it's that it's not something that feels natural to me (as my social skills are all 'learned') and a bit of a belief that women don't like that kind of thing. Playfulness, men being unabashed about their feelings, being obvious, etc.
I also find it 'extremely' hard to even put my beliefs/thoughts/reasons/evidence in writing. There just doesn't seem to be words for it. Even everything I've written took ages to form into words and sentences.
It's like my drivers (beliefs, thoughts, etc) are so embedded into my subconscious that I'm not aware of them. And no distinct memory comes to mind. I know it's because of my past (I think it's more that I don't believe I can be these things – playful, sexual, masculine, dominant, leading, etc because during my formative years I didn't have the opportunity to develop these skills).
And when women do seem interested I always end up with alternatives. She accidentally bumped into me, she's just messing with me, I'm misreading the signs. And all this ends up being reality. Either my mind sees what it expects to see and I react accordingly or my energy is very negative/repressed so she loses interest. I get a lot of new women who come into my life socially that seem really interested – telling me all kinds of personal information about themselves when they first meet me, etc. I recently had a girl who curled herself up into a ball with her knees facing me and kept leaning in to whisper stuff to me. But then seemed uninterested in meeting up with me. And I think it's because at the time there was a conflict in my head. If I had to put it in words it went something like 'she definitely looks like she's flirting…nah she's probably just getting comfortable…oh look she just shifted away…wait, now she's back maybe she is…etc.
What should be my plan of action? Should I try listing as many negative experiences I can pull from my past? I did that today and came up with about 10 but beyond that it was a struggle and nothing was coming up. I'm thinking that a lot of my negative thoughts/feelings/beliefs are formed from a more core source. So I'm not sure if these small memories are related? I'm guessing if they are in my mind then something is attached to them.
And is it beneficial to mentally tap on anything that comes up in the moment? Like if I see a girl on the bus and I feel unattractive in her eyes I can just mentally tap on it a couple of times then flip it and see her in my mind flirting and showing interest? Like I said the emotions are never really strong. When I focus on the feeling that comes up in that situation I get no physical reaction. I don't sweat, stress, feel anxious. It's just there kind of thing.
I know it's all in my head and that our internal world (thoughts, feelings, beliefs, etc) define our outer world. I went to a singles party once and I didn't realise it had finished and was now full of randoms. I went straight up to this girl boldly (my belief was 'she's at a singles party therefore she is available and interested in meeting me). She turned around and immediately hugged me. All because I felt good about me, her and us interacting…maybe that's it. It's not about assuming attraction or expecting attraction but just feeling good about that particular moment.
Looking forward to your help!! Thanks!February 26, 2013 at 8:10 am #24541
Just repeating this kind of stuff you wrote here in your head in pieces and tapping seems to work well for me. No need to analyze every little bit of it. More specifically repeat the thoughts and belief you have about women and think about the events that make you believe this is true. Keep interrupting yourself with the tapping and then returning it to see what else you find.February 28, 2013 at 1:08 pm #24542
Joy W. PanParticipant
Action has meaning only in relationship and without understanding relationship, action on any level will only breed conflict. The understanding of relationship is infinitely more important than the search for any plan of action.
J. KrishnamurtiMarch 1, 2013 at 1:36 am #24543
dude, i used to be you. you are REALLY, REALLY CLOSE to a massive life change.
this is not a relationship problem. i'm guessing you're not even getting to the relationship stage.
we are attracted to “safe dangerous” people (safe people who trigger us).
for mutual attraction, both you and her must experience danger and safety simultaneously.
massive danger + massive safety = massive attraction
danger + no safety = “get away from me”
safety + no danger = “you are boring”
this is you.
it is not safe for you to project danger.
it is not safe for you to be your best self around women. it's only safe for you to be half of you. there's another whole in you somewhere. (the best puas teach that pickup is about being your playfully curious best self as often as you can and projecting that outwards in a playfully, curious way. this naturally creates danger in a safe way).
you are not accessing your past (yet). this is completely ok. you don't have to. you can heal (i prefer the word “change”) your past in the present very easily – trigger yourself with thoughts of future behaviour that is dangerous for you then tap. ie. the stuff you want to do that you can't do. ie. the risks you don't want to take. eg. lots of kino, lots of escalation, deliberately upsetting them (danger) then making it safe. you need to repeatedly build a “not safe to be my best self in this situation” feeling and then tap. in the real world (eg. at work) start taking small risks. whatever you're scared of doing is the next thing you have to do. start practising on the women you don't care about. it'll make their day. they're bored anyway.
hit me up if you like. i'm in brisbane.March 1, 2013 at 5:57 am #24544
I think you would get a lot of value signing up for Robert's 7 day Faster EFT Quick Start Course and particularly listening to this interview he did on Blog Talk Radio with Laurie Carty
If this link doesn't work then I typed the url http://www.outsmartstress.com and there was a link to the interview right underneath the photo.
He explains beautifully the programs we run for ourselves.
DeborahMay 1, 2014 at 10:18 am #24545
I really recommend that you take a piece of paper and begin writing down how you know you are not the guy who is attractive to women. Remember that tapping on and changing anything that comes up as an answer to ‘How do I know I have this problem?’ will make the problem vanish.
Write down whatever emotion, feeling and memory that comes up and tap on those as you write them down. I also usually tap alot on the WHY. You can ask yourself why you have a certain problem and tap on whatever comes up, like I have done daily with great substantial changes. You can find out more on how to tap on the WHY in the Youtube video titled ‘117 Chunk Up Spirituality, Structure of Tapping.’
I also want to remind you of the belief system of FasterEFT, which is that problems are not real, they seem real because you feel them, so TAP OUT the feelings associated to these problems. NOW is the only REAL thing. As you understand that and operate from that belief, then it will be a whole lot more fun and easy to address problems.
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