Needing help, grew up gay in bible belt, lots of self-loathing and anxiety.

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    Hey everyone I’m very new to this forum… I really really need help…. I’m not really sure how to go about this, what to ask for…what to look for…. who to talk to… I just would really like some help either learning how to practice eft on myself successfully or better yet: do a session… actually a session is what I’m here for… I’ve been watching and re-watching the free videos on youtube.. I’ve read instructions and tried them… I’ve had limited success… What I’m wanting is a real one-on-one experience or at least a friendship with someone or someones in the process or having mastered faster eft… I just really feel I need a tangible experience… I guess to kinda verify to myself that i’m doing this correctly… but more than anything I’ve gathered that the lasting changes are best done by someone who’s trained in the more advanced modalities… I need this so bad.. I have so many anxieties, self-loathing, self-defeating programs interrupting my’ life…it’s made me susceptible to so many negative experiences.. I oftentimes feel like I’m just living out someone else’s life…someone with a lousy one… wheres the true, real me can’t even function… can’t even be himself half the time… I haven’t worked since 2009 because the sum toll of these defeating experiences accumulated to the point that I’m just unable to tolerate these feelings of being singled out.. these fight/flight scenarios… I’m 30 year’s old, male and homosexual… I also live in northwest arkansas in the bible belt and just grew up in an environment that’s just hammered it into my’ head that I’m inferior… that I’m wrong and broken… it’s not the ideas themselves that bother me so much as the feelings… I come from a pentacostal and catholic background… so… yeah. My’ parents were emotionally abusive at times though not bad people… I just grew up being constantly misunderstood, berated and treated in a way that made me feel very unimportant… I was overweight growing up too and constantly the object of ridicule by family… There’s just so much of this stuff that adds up to this implicate, negative syndrome of ideas and I think it’s just time to shed them… I’ve seen my’ 20’s just waste away right before my’ eyes… all of the things I wanted to do… all of the potential unrealized… I considered suicide a couple years ago but … I just don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live another year this way… I might be making a fool of myself on here… bearing my’ soul like this but… I just… if this is what it takes to get started so be it… I’m just done… I’m through with this era of life and want to start building something happy instead. – i don’t have any money… I’m broke.. so … that’s been one of the biggest reasons I’ve avoided this for so long.. But I really need this… so I’m pushing myself to write this in the wee hours of the early morning having not slept at all… I want to stop caring so much what others think about me… I want to stop feeling like a victim… I was beaten up in a front yard at a friend’s by a kid twice my’ age when I was 7 years old…nobody helped me..nobody tried to stop it…they cheered him on because they were afraid… this messed me up pretty bad apparently… it set the tone of my’ life.. *sigh*….man I’m probably just saying too much all at once.. there’s more but I think the point I’m getting at is it goes deeper and is broader than just growing up gay in this area of the country. So.. I think what I’m looking for is someone I can relate with… maybe another guy with similar experiences or something… dunno.. Like I said before, new to this.. got trust issues… lol… help please? lol…

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