WOW! Just Wow! I figured out as I let go of the pain, I can switch between memories much quicker! I mean I had trouble staying in good AND bad memories. I was always rotating and turning and trying to grab onto something like a dying fish. ^^
Yes, I do definitely! Part of that unforgiveness is my fear that my vision will not recover. It is very hard for me to forgive my father since this fact. My whole life is based on this one huge trauma and when I go back I see a very angry provocative laughing man notching his baby’s eyes out.
I mean the fact is that I’ve been told I have an eye…[Read more]
Okay, that’s kind of what I mean. But the emotional charge of the initial trauma was carried into ALL memories i have had since. That’s what I mean. Also I’m working for a week now straight on this ONE memory.
EDIT: Another thing. How do I now proceed with reality? My father is still ‘why are you punishing me? what did i do to deserve this?’…[Read more]
I have made a realization which I did not expect: The initial trauma could not be processed and since my field of vision has shrinked to a spot which was the most pain free / free of pictures from the trauma. As I let got of the trauma, all memories which have been recorded since are only in this field of vision and worse are based somehow upon…[Read more]
As I let the pain go, my pain threshold goes down as well. I cannot believe how much pain I was carrying. My dad really stated his point “leave me alone or I kill you” from the first second I was alive. It’s ridiculous and I didn’t even register it back then. To survive I had to abandon my soul/feelings, pain sensations, eyes and ears. It’s really…[Read more]
Thanks! When I was a baby, they notched my eyes out and crushed my skull. As i let go of the pain in my eyes and head, I can suddenly see much better. Yeah but it was ME who PERCEIVED the pain as pain. Of course it was! It’s a nice mindset but it can only go so far.